• Deepasha Jha

7 Steps to Eliminate Negative People from your Life

We meet thousands of people in our lives as we journey along and each one of these individuals serves their purpose of the interaction with us. Some leave us with important lessons, some stay by our side to experience more from life. Somewhere among them, comes a category of people who are officially our friends, family members, but deep down they cost us our emotional peace. Believe me, they exist, under the shadow of relationship tags and fake smiles. Friends who get jealous, friends who talk behind our back, manipulate us, friends, who subconsciously try to bring us down, family members who make us question our worth, the ones who criticize and discourage us. Most of the time we don't even realize to what extent someone can influence us and drain us emotionally in a negative way. But it's important to spot such people and delete them from our lives, in order to have a free mind peaceful life.

Now I'm assuming you have questions like "How can I leave my, childhood friend? We've been together for years.", or "She's my only friend at work. If I stop talking to her, I'll be left alone", or "He's my cousin and everyone in the family loves him. Me cutting him off would seem very rude in the family", etc.

So here's the answer to such questions - You shouldn't bother about past, present, future, or about your mutual friends, or about you being alone, or about family opinions. A person can be toxic to you but can also be sweet to someone else. Similarly, a person who might be everyone's favorite in the room can be the most hateful to you. Different people have different equations of bonding with different people at different times and different places. And among all this, you require to be looking at only what's good for you, and not others. You are responsible for your mental peace, and therefore only you shall take decisions about who gets to stay in your life and who gets to leave.

Also just to make this easier for you I'm going to add up my personal story and experience with a toxic friend and how I got rid of her, in every step.

So here are some ways on how you can remove toxic people from your life :

  • Identification and Acknowledgment: First of all you have to identify the person or people who bring you negativity. Observing keenly of whose presence brings you happiness and whose presence leaves you in a state of sad, discouraged mind. You have to notice which friend of yours really wishes good for you and which one is being all fake to you. It's all about the vibe and energy they pass on to you and what thoughts surround you once they leave. Like for example whenever I meet my best friend, I'd find myself thinking about how good is life to me, how I can do more with what I have best. In short, I'd feel empowered and content. Whereas when I used to meet that toxic friend of mine, she'd try to manipulate me into thinking that she's just so better than me and I was nothing. After one meeting with her, by the end of the day, my mind would be cluttered with thoughts of me doubting my self-worth, wanting more from the world in an unsatisfied way, comparing myself with everyone around and then drowning in a pool of 'I'm not good enough'. I couldn't sleep for a lot of nights just thinking about what she'd say to me. Her lies and fake fame was a way of leading ahead in a toxic competition, where no one was competing except for her. She believed that in order to win, you have to push others down, instead of just working on your own self. So, she pushed me and my self-esteem down, and obviously I dropped my friendship with that friend soon after realizing this and so should you if you have a person like that in your life.

  • Be honest about it: After you've picked the person(s), It's time you come upfront with your opinion to them. We can't expect them to believe that they are being toxic to you, but it's your part to state valid reasons and be honest about how and what they do to your mind. I did tell her that she saw herself and the world at the wrong places and that she didn't have to be jealous of me because we could be friends and uplift each other. We stopped talking after the confrontation where she acted as playing the victim and getting sympathies from our common friends. I saw that coming and believe me this is common. When you show people mirror and prove them wrong, they try to escape through public validation and drama shows. So you'll see this happening once you take your stand, but it's okay. You need not be afraid of what your common friends or families are gonna say because at the end of the day it's 'you' who you have to look out for.

  • Don't fear distance or loneliness: It's okay if the friend you're planning to leave is the only friend you have at a certain place. The fear of being alone shouldn't get you. as they say, "it's better to be alone than being in a bad company." It's true. Even though she was the only company of my age in the apartment, I knew that I'd have to have my evenings all by myself after I leave her. But trust me, that felt better to me than having her unhealthy company.

  • Cutting them off: Leave them. Don't ghost them. Let them know that you're breaking off and keep it minimalistic and lowkey. There's no need for public attraction, drama, or social media attention. A mature cut off would be smarter. I told her that I wouldn't be speaking to her again, but she kept texting, calling, and tried reaching me out through various people in the months later. It becomes easy to let go of the anger then and become friends again, only because you start feeling sorry for them. I thought she'd be alone if I leave her, and maybe this time she'll change and we'll do good together. So I became friends with her again, only to realize that most people don't change and that she had become even more toxic for me later. So when you cut off, make sure it's crisp and clear and there's no turning back.